How do I stop feeling guilty?
On Monday I broke up with my boyfriend that was living with me. He is a ex-con, just went back to prison on Wedneday for a parole violation.
Also his PO wants to charge him with terriorist threats. He had made threat to me. When I asked him to move out or I would put his stuff outside, he said if I did that he would have people come beat me up and if the police got involved "do I think I would be safe for the rest of my life."
The police were called and a report made. I then called his PO to let her know what he said and what had happened.
When he went see her on Wed. for his monthly ck in
.
I feel so guilty and so bad about this. I feel that if he is charged with the threats he will go to prison for a very long time. I know I need to protect myself, but why do I feel so guilty? How do I not feel so guilty? None of this is my fault!
I never wanted him to go back to prison. He has so much to loose.
Answers:
Guilt is self-imposed.
He may have a lot to lose, but HE lost it. HE made choices.
If he goes to prison, that's his problem and has nothing to do with you doing something wrong. I don't say this in a snippy way, but stop putting his happiness ahead of your physical well being and perhaps your life.
Hun, if he goes back to prison, so be it..It is his fault not yours. He is violent!! You are protecting not just yourself, but your community by telling his P.O. It would be normal to feel a little guilty. With time it will pass I'm sure. Good luck to you.
People who have a lot to lose don't do crap that will make themselves lose it. If he cared as much for you as you obviously care for him, there would have been no threats. Consider yourself luck that you did the right thing. Now make sure you take all precuations to protect yourself.
Easy answer.He is a LOSER.dump him and move where he can't find you..are you seriously asking this question.are really that desperate of woman...you would take this guy??
Yea that's a common problem tho. Your heart loves him, but your mind is trying to be logical and "downplay" what happened.
Of course you feel guilty, its our instinct to protect those we love.
We don't understand why they can't see that. And we feel with time they will understand that we love them and are doing our best to protect them from the world and the people that made him that way.
Frankly he used manipulation on you. You needed to save him and he knows this. Then it turned bad. maybe you burned his toast. It's all in the mind and how we perceive it.
The guilt will fade if you seek out others that have been through this also. Realize you are Feeling right now and the shock of what can happen has played with your mind.
Once you can separate yourself from him you will see in hindsight that you did the correct thing for yourself.
All you have in life is yourself. You need to be good to yourself and not allow yourself to be abused put down or think of yourself as a savior.
While I understand you feeling bad over the whole thing...you need to remember that you come first and protecting yourself MUST be your top priority... You did not tell him to make the threats, you did not tell him to violate his parole.
Bottom line : NO ONE, not you or anyone else can hurt him as much as HE HURTS HIMSELF !
He is the criminal, you are the victim. That is one way how criminals control victims, emotionally abuse them and make them feel guilty.
How many times with an abused significant other return to the abuser? Many times.
You have the right to feel safe. He deserves to be in jail, you have nothing to feel guilty about!
u have feelings 4 him cuase he lasted in ur life 4 a while and u been there 4 him when ever he needed it and u will get over him but not that fast the memories be there too last
You are guilty. You are just feelig bad about it.
You need to make yourself comfortable with the situation. You did it because it was the right thing to do. He did the crime, let him do the time.
Right now you are scared because of his threats. So, yes, YOU did the right thing. He made the threats, and you are still feeling scared even though he is locked up. Do not call him, do not write to him, do not accept his collect phone calls.
Move on, move out, move where he, nor his goons know where you are. Do it NOW.
I'm sorry if this sounds cruel but you are being pathetic. If you think you did something wrong then you have reason to feel guilty of doing something wrong. If you feel that you did nothing wrong then you've no reason to feel guilty. So what is it? Did you do something that you think is wrong or not?
Did you force him to threaten you?
Are you so special that you have some magical ability over anothers feelings and actions?
NO!
None of us can control what another person thinks or feels or does.
We are blessed with free will, it sounds to me like you are taking all the credit for this jerks screw ups!
You have every right, I mean it when I say you have EVERY RIGHT to live your life in a manner to which you feel safe, comfortable and happy.
He, nor anyone else has any right to take those things from you, you are not any less of a human than he is, are you! It is people like him that COUNT on meeting people like you who are willing to suffer so that he can act like an entitled jerk off. They start out by manipulating you into thinking they truly have reasons and excuses to act the way they do and so when they turn on you you will feel like maybe it is your fualt because they love you so much or maybe because they had shared their "reasons" for being a victim with you that you should have known better since you were privy to their most intimate traumas and you are expected to understand.
They have so many different reasons and ways to force their responsibilites to themselves onto others.
I have seen it a thousand times, I promise you that you are not special to this person, you do not hold any special mind control abilities over anyone but yourself and if you continue to feel guilty you are not only doing a great diservice to your self but you are enabling him to act like an asshole and people like him only get worse with time so maybe you will get out of it in one piece but perhaps the next girl wont.
It is best for him and for you and for everyones future that you let him take responsibility for himself and that you hold him accountable not you for what he does. You should be proud of yourself, you managed to do something that is not always easy, that is to put you first.
Thousands of women every day are beat and belittled by the one who claims to love them and each of those women are at or will get to the point where ( if they live long enough) they think back to when it first started and they wish they would have done something "pro them" at that time cuz it gets harder and harder the more you allow yourself to be accountable for the other persons feeling and actions.
Good Luck to you honey and instead of feeling guilty you should be proud and feel empowered for taking a PRO YOU action!
If you still find yourself feeling responsible for him or wanting to save him remember two things, you can only save yourself from him he is gong to continue to hurt hinmself so long as someone is there to push the blame onto so he does not have to be accountable and go check out a battered womans shelter, volunteer for a weekend and sit and listen to the women who are hiding for their lives then see if you have anything in common with them and make the changes now, before you experiance the hell of domestic abuse.
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