How do you tell your mother-in-law shut up, without hurting her "fragile" feelings?
ummm let see
"I am lucky to have you in my life and I thank you for your advise but I am very capable as a grown adult to handle my family my life and my situation."
Yep that would be to the point and polite.
Stop talking to her and avoid her. NEVER TELL HER TO STOP TALKING!
you just tell her you will handel it in my way..
You deliberately, but mildly, hurt her feelings. You say shut up in a nice way, then explain to her that she is being very annoying - but in nice way.
keep on saying: huh? wat u say?
Give her a crossword puzzle magazine.
Be polite: "Dear, I don't want to hurt your fragile feelings, but would you be a sweetheart and kindly shut up?" See? easy.
You don't.It can ruin your relationship. Talk with your spouse and have them have a talk with their mom. Explain to your spouse that their mom is making you nuts and yu would appreciate it if they would ask her to butt out.
by telling "you know better, mom"
Tell her she looks attractive and intelligent when she keeps her mouth closed lol
I tell that I love her, thank her and that I will consider her words. Instantly consider them wrong in your head, and move on. I NEVER EVER take her words personally. I make it a personal rule not to negotiate with children or terrorists.
You obviously have 'issues' with her. You can never politely tell her to shut up. You can tell her you can handle things on your own. You can be polite enough to listen, then do your own thing. You might even try understanding her and maybe respecting her for her position and the fact that she did raise your husband.
I could never picture telling my fiance's mom to stop talking. I know what you are saying though, and in my mind I am saying "shut the ---- up you are pissing me off lady, you don't know ----". But I don't think i could ever tell her that to her face.
Why are you hanging around your mother-in-law so much? People who talk alot do that because it's an ingrained behavior pattern. You won't be able to change it. And she won't be able to stop, even if you ask nicely. So if you are around her only from time to time, just accept it or go to another room and do something.
Otherwise, the best answer is to spend less time around her. You might get temporary relief by smiling and making a polite request, such as, "Mom, I know you want to tell me about this, but I want to finish my book tonight. Can we talk about that later?"
Join the club! My mother-in-law thinks that I'm the demon spawn from hell, due to what my husband (her son) tells her. He's he only child, and she thinks that he can do no wrong. She too has a very nasty, abusive temper, so it's obvious where he gets his inappropriate rage from (and that's an understatement). I tried to nicely speak with my mother-in-law a few times, because she told me, prior to our marriage, that if her son ever hurt me, she wanted to know about it. Well, I found out what a bunch of malarkey that was the first time I tried to tell her about the verbal abuse. My advice? Tell this woman nothing about your marriage. Nothing at all. If you do, it will only be like beating your head against a wall. If she makes inappropriate comments to your children, however, make sure that you call her on it immediately, and that both she - and your children - know that what she said is an inaccurate picture of what's going on between you and your husband. If she keeps bringing it up, simply say, very pleasantly, "I don't wish to discuss it, if you don't mind." And if she keeps on, keep repeating, "I don't wish to discuss it," in a polite tone of voice until she gets the hint.
But most importantly, stick to your boundaries! Make rules and live by them. If you falter and slip into engaging with her only once, she will sense that you are weak and will continue to butt in where she does not belong. You must remain consistent, and she'll eventually get the message from you, since your husband is not doing anything about this.
Date: Sunday, April 23, 2000
Wow!! That sounds just like what my sister has been going through. Only she has been battling multiple triangulations of enablers. His Boss and his wife and all the staff at the 'Christian' School he teaches at, as well as the Church they were both attending. All have told her repeatedly to; 'be a better, more perfect, wife.' Absolutely none of them will even consider that he is an abuser. Her only relief has been to leave. She has sought Shelter and Counseling consistantly, and is getting better, slowly but surely. He is aboslutely mystified when the Counselor(s) tell him she is right and he is wrong. All he can do is try to figure out why the Counselor is infit. Unfortunately, he will not get help or change, at least until ALL of the above stop supporting him.
Date: Tuesday, November 12, 2002
I have a mother-in-law who is pretty bad too. She triangulates too. I tried getting her to help me get my husband help for his alcoholism eating disorder and chasing women. I also talked to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law about it too for help. My mother-in-law only enabled my husband behind my back telling him I don't know what I'm talking about. Meanwhile she talks bad about me to my brother and sister in law, and then talks bad about them to my husband and myself. Finally my sister-in-law had enough of it and shared all the unflattering things she said about me and I did too. All hell broke lose. My mother-in-law came after me for betraying her confidence and turned my "mommas boy" husband against me to protect her. Eventually I left my husband and he "woke up" and quit drinking and chasing women. He sees now he has problems but won't admit his problems to her so she continues to call me a liar. I don't care anymore. They can move in together if he doesn't want to be at my side. I'm prepared to leave if he cannot get his priorities straight and take care of us before his mom's feelings. Sincerely, Lori
It's not possible. Nothing will shut her up. You can only work at your own feelings. Concentrate on accepting her as a tender background noise, rather than a disrupting one - like the sea or a waterfall, or the noise of a highway...Ommmm...
humility...that keeps the respect between you guys. and respect is the cornerstone of any solid relationship.
I read in a book (I wish I could remember the author's name) that a good response is "In this matter you should not worry yourself for my sake." It sort of gives her credit for just being concerned but also closes the door on further discussion.
Of course, if it's more than just annoying yack yack on her part, that's a different story.
Ignore what she says, don't let it get to you when she meddles with your affairs and decide for yourself... sooner or later she'll understand that she has no real power or say in your life or that of your fiancé.
Try to help her get her priorities straight, meaning stop blabbing inane or mean spirited crap, the kids that (hopefully)) are around always save the day. If she won't quit being a menace, tune into the kids...They know who is who, and will always defend the good guy...There is nothing worse than an ugly old hag playing the "fragile" role...believe me, your man has been played by her all his life...good luck and I know he hates her, but won't admit it...Just be noble and kind (not to her, to him and the kids) If she can't help you, and keeps playing your guy, she'll die one day...Just be a larger person than her til she does
If she is simply a chatterbox rather than an interfering old biddy there are several tricks:
1. Look past her with a horrified expression on your face and the moment she stops talking, you start.
2. Stand up suddenly and make your point on your feet - rather intimidating and people tend to stop talking when someone is looming over them.
3. Keep/start talking yourself and continue even though she is talking - rather rude, but still a tactic
4. Ignore her or respond absently when she asks if you have been listening - still rude.
5. Ask her politely if you could say something.
6. If she makes a comment of any sort that you want to tackle you can say 'I'm glad you raised that point/asked that question (even though she may not have phrased it as a question)' and make your point.
However, if she is simply being critical explain politely and in as sympathetic way as possible what your problem with her is. Start by saying 'I understand you are saying this because you care about my spouse. I appreciate that very much as I love him/her almost as much as you do, even though my love can not compare to that of a mother's and (don't use 'but' as it's negative) as you are a spouse yourself you can understand my position of wanting to tackle problems myself. I appreciate your criticism as this helps me to be a better person and to learn this better I would like to discover how in my own way occassionally (you can't expect her to cease altogether!)'
Afterall, this is YOUR marriage, not hers and advice should only come when asked for even though for a woman it is immensely difficult to resist telling someone what to do.
2 possible systems that work:
1)Find a way to make your mobile phone make some noise at the touch of a button. Leave the room "to have a discussion AGAIN with that idiot that has been trying to fix your computer" or something. Walk very far away while you talk. Come back when you feel like it.
2)Totally ignore any comment of hers, but instead talk about something that genuinely interests you ("how am I going to convince my boss to rearrange things in the office"), and doesn't interest her at all. Continue having this dual conversation until she leaves you alone.
just agree with her and let it go.. then she will think she won and shes right and shut up on her own
tell her i don't want to here it
are you living with her?then better move out.that is the only way to avoid friction.
change the subject, like if ur in her house, say oh my goodness what lovely furniture, and then return to subject after awhile.
say excuse me loudly and then speak normally
Try handing her a breath mint and smiling.
OMG! I have this same problem! I ignore her mostly and won't answer her calls (she only ever wants to talk to her "baby" anyway)...she's got issues so I try and stay out of them. My husband, however, quite frequently tells her that she is getting out of line if I rant about it long enough.
Ever watch Everybody loves Raymond. ?
That show cracks me up!
I love it!
You can't tell a mother -in-law to shut up and not hurt her feelings. You can try to get your husband to have a word and intervene but so typical of that show I mentioned.. most husbands are chicken **** when it comes to standing up and defending you and your wishes against there wonderful mom ,whom to some of us can be mean spiteful b***hes.
For those who have a wonderful mother in law ...kudos to you, but if it was so great she wouldn't be so fragile I'm guessing. Just try to keep your distance from her. Say your really busy and have a lot to do.
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