How to deal with a bossy, controlling, mother in law , w/ my infant?

I'm due any day now, but I am concerned about my mother-in-laws presense after bringing him home. I;m worried about her trying to take over everything. She is very bossy and controlling. I love advice, but not being told how to raise my child. Also, we don't get along too well to start with, But I would never keep her from seeing him. How do I deal with her without pulling her hair out?

Answers:
Put your foot down woman! Bossy mother-in-laws have no business trying to tell new mothers how to raise their babies. Advice is nice, but it is just that .. advice. She really needs to back off and your husband should be able to stand up like a man and tell her it is your child, not hers. Strees on a new mother hurts you and the baby. I hope she is smart enough to know that. Your husband should also know that. Stressed mothers cause crabby babies, it is a proven fact. Set your limits. Your very wise saying you would never keep her from the baby. She should be happy but a real mother-in-law gives couples privacy and space and a real spouse, man or woman, respects that part of marriage when it comes to their parents. Good Luck Dear. Newborn is the bonding time between parents, not grandparents. I pray your husband respects that for you for the sake of your baby.
tell her that she is NOT in control anymore and that you are the one having a child not her
Are you living with her? If so, move out.

If you cant move out, get used to it, it is her house.
just remind her, the child is not hers. Things are different these days.
Stick up for your self A.S.A.P.Remeber you are and adult and you don't need to let her take over. Tell her how you feel and if it comes out nasty, you can always blame it on hormones.HA-Ha! Good Luck!
keep a distance from her, let her see the baby once a month, it is important to make your husband on your side.
Talk to your husband about how you feel and what are your expectations. It is your husband's responsibility to keep his mom in check. Inlaws correcting each other just doesnt work.
just say it straight out that if you need help you will ask for it.
You know some thing, I hate stupid bi**hes like her... Tell her to f**k off and that you are the mother and what ever decision you choose for your child is final...you have to speak up for your self and if you don't, you'll regret it for a long time...Put her in her place....she is not in control of you're relationship or the way you raise your child. Your child depends on you and your decisions for his or her life...A mother is god in a childs eyes.....If you allow this idiot to control you and your child's life, how much will this child respect you? how much will your guy respect you? how will any one respect you if you allow her to control your decisions for your child? You're not a weak person so let her know that... go with your own motherly instincts...if your a new mother, don't sweat it.... you'll know what's best for your child by instint...Good luck and tell her to back the f**k off..... you can handle your family just fine....best wishes...
tell her that you appreciate her help and advice,but you are your baby's mother not her,and that you want to bring up your baby your own way,but you would also value her help and advice if and when you want it,maybe you could take her for a coffee or lunch and explain your feelings to her,be firm,you could also decide on a few ground rules that will work for you both.good luck......
sounds so familiar to me. i went thru something similar not to long ago... ur asian i assume? i grew up in a western country so we totally clash my mum-in-law n i...
anyway, tell her to butt and make her feel that u mean it and above all have ur hubby to take ur side! stay consistent to ur grounds! this should work if ur mum in law is not the manipulative type..haha

p.s.: Mystyque seems right on too!
old women who had one or more children they think they know everything about raising children,and they think always they are the best,the only thing which you have to do is to try to tell her that is your baby and she is only the grandmother,she had her chance and you have to be the mother,she is only the grandmother .TRY to explain this things to her without hearting her feelings
Difficult..........you may have to put up with a bit of the bossiness for the first few visits. If it's in her nature then you haven't got much choice.

After a while, speak to your husband and see if he has a good enough relationship to ask her to calm down a little - if he can't do that then just don't invite her over much.

If she's one of those mother-in-laws who likes to just turn up then you will have to get your husband to tell her not to do it. It may be hard but ground rules need to be put in place.

My mother-in-law is very careful around me but it did take me having to blow one day and go mad. Hope it doesn't come to that for you.

Good Luck with the baby.
I'm in a similar situation, so I've been thinking about this a lot lately. What I think will work best (for me at least) is to make it clear to my mother-in-law that we love her but this is OUR time to practice being parents. I'm sure she has a lot to offer us and that there will be many useful suggestions but a part of parenting also involves a certain element of trial and error. She had her chance to raise her child/ren and now it's your turn w/ your spouse.
It's still very important to make her feel loved and wanted. If you go to her for guidance on smaller issues then she'll feel as though she has some say.
When it comes down to it, though, the choices are yours and your husband to make alone.
Cutting the grandchild off from the grandparent is not the best solution bec. your in-law will turn to your husband and that will create tension between the two of you- which is the last thing you want!! You may find it necessary to limit the time you spend together- once again a decision to make w/ your husband.
It's probably advisable to discuss all aspects and issues with your husband and let him know how important they are to you so that you can come up with a joint plan and will be working on the same team instead of either opposite teams or your husband feeling torn in his loyalty between you and his parents.
Good luck...
Oh do I know what you are going thru.

I am proud of you taht you will not keep him from seeing her.

my son is 2 1/2 now and she still thinks that I am doing it all wrong. We even moved 500 miles away from her and she still followed.

Here is my advise, stand your ground do not be mean but be firm.

When you bring the baby home from the hospital and the phone will ring trust me everyone will call you. Check the caller ID and (if you do not have caller id then get it) it is her then do not answer it. If you feel up to it later in the day when the baby is napping call her back and tell sorry that you were spending time with the baby and what did she need.

Never ask for advised from her unless you expect to get and answer on everything. Act like you know what you are doing. If you have a question call anyone else not her call me I will help. She is your last result. If she starts to give you advise that you did not ask for just say "ok" and go one with what you are doing. after a while she will get the point that you do not really care what she thinks. whenever I had a question I called my mom or cousins sister in laws etc. I mean it never ask her not even if it is about laundry or the weather etc. If you really want her opinion have your husband call her and ask. have him say it is his question. That way his mother will feel like he still values her opinion.

Also, if she ever does come over unannounced do not answer the door. Anyone that has any compassion for a new mother would always call first. Yes, I had to do this once. remember you were spending time with the baby and or you were napping.

Another option is for when he is a little older. If you ever wantto get out of the house have you husband call her up and ask her to come over and watch him. Then when she gets there leave and go to a movie or shopping just get out. When you get home tell her thank you and that you are going to take a nap. She will get teh point and leave. If she starts to tell you your house is not clean enough or the baby needs a bath just say thank you so much and repeat how tired you are and take hte baby and go into the other room and lay down. If she stays and cleans let her, if she says she will give him a bath real quick then say ok and reapeat that is so nice of you and go in a lay down. always have a book or puzzle or something to do in a different room that you can do until she leaves they will leave trust no one likes to be in an home where they feel they are invading.

Good Luck, you married into a family like mine. I hope all is goes well remember that baby is the most important thing in the world she now has to come 2nd to you.
Talk to your mother in-law with patience and respect, even if she isn't mature enough to show you the same consideration. Let her know you want to be able to make choices for your child and to experience motherhood as an adult. Tell her you appreciate that she has experience and knowledge, but you need to consider many viewpoints, most importantly your own, before making choices for your baby. Remind her that it is you and your husband who are ultimately responsible for the child and because of that, you need to be allowed the authority to rear this child as you see fit.
Be strong. I have a bossy mother (from whom I would NEVER take advice) and a bossy mother in law (from the amount of therapy my husband sought, I would not take advice from her either!) When either one of them tries to tell me how to do something, I say, "That's how they used to do it, now we do it this way" or "I've done my research and this is the method that I choose" with a "Thanks for your input but I will definitely ask when I have a question."
tell her that you appreciate her help but you want to do thongs your way.If that doesn't work tell her to stop telling you what to do.
How about scheduling a date with her like she sees him twice a month
my mom-in-law was like that too, and i just firmly but politely put my foot down. She was trying to tell me not to take the baby outside and to over-bundle him, etc. I just said, Vicki, this is my child, and i will take into consideration your advice, but i will decide what to do. My oldest was 5 days old at the time, and it's been fairly okay since then, she rarely crosses the line.
My mother in law is the same way. I had to kick her out of the delivery room because she was getting to me. Any how I told her that this baby is mine and your sons not yours. You have no say in what i do as a parent because you werent the perfect parent. I told her to back away....She listened kinda, but the controlling in laws always find another way around to control you. Id tell her that you dont want help, but if you do then you will ask. You dont want any opinions. Good Luck!
when she gives you advice, just smile and nod and then don't follow it...if this is her personality, you are never going to change her. I would just let whatever she says roll off your back and then go ahead and do what you think is best for your baby...and I would only take a stand if it was something extremely important. I can TOTALLY relate to what you are going through. I am breastfeeding my 3 month old and my mother-in-law gives me a really hard time about it...if the baby ever has any problem, she says "its because there is something wrong with your breastmilk" - it drives me nuts! Just because she would only bottle feed obviously doesnt make it the right choice for my child. So, when she gets really pushy, I try to just ignore it, but if I cant, I try to gently tell her why her advice/idea is incorrect or not the best thing to do for my baby. good luck!
You have a discussion with your husband, and explain your concerns, and have him deal with it for you. He has to sit her down and explain that this is your baby, and if you need her help, you will ask her. Otherwise she has to hang back


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