As a step dad, how much right do I have in disciplinary matters?
What are my rights as a step dad? I have a 13 year old step son and a 5 year old daughter with the same woman. When ever it comes to disciplining him, she feels that she must protect him from me because I might make him mow the lawn or do the dishes when all he really wants to do is smoke pot and stay out till 2 a.m. It's incredible that his mother would let this 6" tall boy walk out the house and right past her as she mows the lawn, & argue with me when I say something about it! And frankly I'm F*%Kin sick & tired of it! He comes up pos. in a drug screen from his school, they tell me that they want him in an out patiant program or he's going to be suspended come Sept.,& her responcse to me was"they did'nt tell me" and she acts as if it ain't so. Come Sept. she'll see. I got a 5 year girl I have to worry about too. He's going to be an influance to her. I love him and I want to help him straighten out his life.His mama is may biggest adversary in helping him. Legally what are my rights!
Answer:
You have all the rights but you have to be careful at the same time.Things can be easily misunderstood and have psychological effect on the children.
If I were you I would just worry about your daughter and let the system deal with your stepson if his mother wont. maybe next time going to court would be a nice time to talk to the judge about rehab.
Question: What rights do stepparents have in the care of step-kids?
Answer: Stepparents have no specific rights over their stepchildren. The biological parent has decision-making authority over the children in all matters related to the child's health and upbringing. In other words, the stepparent can't consent to medical care, can't sign paperwork for school, etc.
A stepparent who has acted as parent for a child for a long time, and who is now being divorced from the biological parent, may have some visitation rights if a judge decides the relationship is in the child's best interests.
Even though the stepparent has no rights relative to the child, if the stepparent is a custodian of the child, that adult can make certain control / discipline decisions affecting the child in the absence of a biological parent. A stepmother, for example, who is taking care of the child during the father's absence on a business trip, can set curfew, mealtimes, and other rules that affect childhood discipline while the child is in the care of that adult.
You will have little say in what responsibilities he has to do since your wife won't support you. But . . .
13 yr old past curfew. Smoking pot which is illegal.
Are you saying that he already turned up positive at his school which prompted the school to suggest a program? If yes, you could wait for the suspension. If no, not yet, tell the school that he is smoking pot & see if they would make sure he was selected for 'random' testing & drug dog locker search & keep your name out of it. Or you can contact the police when he is past curfew & on the way home & hint about the pot, too.
Sooner or later, it will probably be known that you started it so you may have to be straight forward with your wife right now and demands the boy gets treatment NOW or you WILL call cops on him. At his age, he will be forced into a treatment & get his schooling in that facility.
You may have to go as far as divorce & get custody of the girl to protect her from the negative influence & her safety. No matter what you decide, prepare yourself for a harsh struggle.
ZERO recourse not even bio parents have rite to discipline any more not since about late 80's you can do 1 of 3 things
#1 contact your local congressman , complain to have parents rites reinstated so we can discipline OUR kids like the good lord intended.
#2 you could leave the women you LOVE & escape all the BULLS*^#@T.
#3 PUT all the disrespecting childern over our knees no matter how big or small & teach respect the old fashion WAY,
KIDS run the house holds now a days & the future of our exsitantance is in doubt..
As a Step-father you have relatively few rights as far as Physical Discipline is concerned. To gain those rights, you should attempt to adopt him. Once he is your adopted son, you have all the rights and responsibilities as his original Father.
Unfortunately, as he gets older this
attitude problem will only get worse, unless it is dealt with firmly.
Try and monitor him as much as possible. Document his daily bad behavior and the names of his friends.
He may be part of a gang.
Your wife will be more likely to support you if you can show a worsening pattern.
In the meantime, as an adult you do have the right to arrest him if you see him commit a crime or damage property.
Ideally, you should stop him from the illegal action. (You need to witness it firsthand) and then call the Police and lay charges.
I know from experience, this will produce a significant attitude change. Perhaps you can ask the school to lay charges, if he tests positive again.
First, the standard answer, it depends on the state you live in. Some states recognize the rights of a step parent as being absolute and equal to those of the biological parents. In other states a step parent only has as many rights as the biological parent chooses to extend. Without knowing the state it's hard to give a complete answer.
Another thing to consider though, think about the strain you may put on your relationship. Is being able to legally discipline your step child worth ending your marriage? A better stategy might be to have a long talk with your wife, let her know how you feel, and let her know the reality of what lies ahead for your son if he doesn't get staightened out.
Another item of note: You still have all the rights of a citizen. If he's smoking pot he's committing a crime and you could have him arrested. Before you jump to the wrong conclusion, consider this. When I was 11 I broke into a house with 3 other boys. We didn't steal anything but we did brake a window and destroyed some of the property inside. Upon finding out my dad had me and my friends arrested after talking to the home owner (who had already agreed not to press charges). Spending a night in jail straightened my life out completely. Today, I spent six years in the U.S. Navy, am an employee for the State of Washington, and am currently pursuing a BA in Criminal Justice. I've also seen friends who have continued into a life of crime and in some cases death. Please share this story with your wife if you think it will help and e-mail me if you have any questions.
Good Luck.
If his natural father is in the picture at all, it may be a good idea to get him involved at this point. This boy is not going to listen to you or his mom.
The answers post by the user, for information only, FreeLawAnswer.com does not guarantee the right.
Answer question:
More Questions and Answers: