Divorce questions,PLEASE help?
I am thinking to divorce my husband of 20 years. We have 2 kids but he is becoming unbearable and we fight all the time. I worry for the pain I will cause to my kids and the legal process is something I am not looking forward either. I am trying to find some information first on line or any support groups that can help me.
I'd like to know from all of you out there who took the big step and walked out your thoughts about doing it, the process, did you regret it and what kind of legal representation you had.
My husband is verbally and sometimes physically abusive to me, I dont want to bring this up as grounds for divorce because he can lose his job and will make matters worse.
More info: I have no family at all in this country, I am financially independent and can live on my own but I dont want to separate from the kids and he wont let the kids come with me. I know if we get involved with the legal system nobody will be a winner,any ideas?
Answers:
Don't hesitate. Do your planning but don't hesitate. Did what you are thinking about doing and waited 10 years too long. It will be very, very difficult but the rewards for you and the kids will be immeasurable. The children will be fearful and upset. In a few years, they will ask you, as mine have asked me, "Why did you wait so darn long?"
Here's the thing. You are, in effect, abusing your children now by showing them it is OK to not be happy in marriage, to be abused, and that's what adults do. That's not a good thing for them to learn. Do NOT pull your punches with regard to the abuse. Whether he loses his job is his problem. He MUST learn that he must be responsible for his actions and he isn't now. Physical abuse is assault, pure and simple, and the perpetrator should be in jail.
Is there any abuse of the children on his part? You must get involved with the legal system because marriage is done under the law. You're right, it's difficult to equate court decisions with justice but courts are more likely to decide with regard to the welfare of the children then they used to do. Act.
And keeping your kids in an abusive environment is helping them how exactly??
Hire an attorney and stop worrying about making him appear bad. From your statement, he is a bad man.
well u better make sure first because once u make a move u cant turn backwards so i think u better talk to ur husband and tell him ur problems if he don listen than u have to choose divorce
First of all find a local woman's shelter and/or call the local women's crisis center. I went through this over 20 years ago and I had 5 children who ranged in age from 3 to 7. That first step is the most difficult but in the long run you will be showing strength and determination to your children as well as the extent you are willing to go to protect them. As for the pain of the process, you as Mom can minimize that by constant encouragement, discussion and reassurance that everything is going be fine even if YOU don't believe it.
If your husband is abusive, then leaving should not even be a question. Your kids will be hurt more watching their mother be abused.
I grew up in a house where my dad was abusive, and I lost a lot of respect for my mom because she wouldn't leave.
First and foremost, do not leave your children. State laws may vary, but it can be considered abandonment, and then you will have to prove that their father is unfit in order to get your children back.
Stay with your children and seek help from an attorney. If you cannot afford one, contact legal aid.
I have been divorced, and we have a child together. The legal process was annoying and painful, but in the end, my son is better off. Do what is best for you and your children.
Good luck!
I wouldn't want to advise you on the steps since I don't know what county you live in and I'm not a lawyer anyway. But as far as the kids are concerned, I appreciate that you are thinking of them but think of it this way. As a child, it's better to come from a broken home than to live in one. Good luck.
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